Bogus Remedies that Pseudo Quack Dr. Oz will tell Trump to take
These are my guesses at what the Doctor, on TV you shouldn't listen to, will likely tell Donald Trump to take for his health today on his show.
First, because of the statues (now available in throw pillow), we all know that Trump is over weight.
He'll probably have him take some of his "Five Biggest Fat Busters:"
1. Raspberry Ketone Supplement for helping his body to burn fat by breaking up fats within Trump's cells.
2. Red Clover Meal (wtf is Red Clover Meal?) for helping to regulate estrogen that contributes to Donald Trump's fat on your bottom.
3. Conjugated linoleic acid for turning belly fat cells off so we can’t store fat anymore.
4. L-Carnitine Lunch Tex Mex Salad which will stimulate growth hormone and help turn on the mechanism that burns off fat in those specific areas.
5. White Bean Extract which is shown to help prevent carbs from being broken down into sugars and converted into fat in our thighs.
OR you could just eat healthy and exercise and not listen to this BS.
Everyone says Trump's skin is orange so maybe Dr. Oz will give him some remedies for skin health like:
Niacinamide - Studies (none cited) find that niacinamide (also known as vitamin B3 or nicotinamide) might help with the appearance of skin.
or
Hyaluronic Acid - This hydrating humectant (fancy word so it must work) can help your skin hold on to moisture, so it stays hydrated and appears smoother.
There is reported to be a history of Alzheimer's in Trump's family so maybe Quackter Oz will recommend some things for his memory...
1. Take a memory boosting DHA supplement (600 mg per day).
2. Do brain stimulating switch ups (i.e. put your watch on the opposite hand, swap hair brush hand, write backwards, eat with other hand).
3. 7-7-7 stress busting breathing exercise. Breathe in to the count of 7, hold for 7, and breathe out to the count of 7. This exercise calms the nerves and helps reduce levels of cortisol.
4. Tease your memory with basic memory exercises. Try memorizing 20 things on a regular basis.
5. Do brain push-ups to grow brain muscle. Increasing fitness is the best weapon to increasing the brain size. Literally doing push-ups will help to increase muscle as it forces blood flow to the brain.
6. How much you eat and what you eat is crucial. Here are a few great foods to improve your memory: elderberry jam, pecans, chicken giblets, clams, vegetable juice, and beets.
Don't listen to any of this advice unless you like wasting money.
